Breathe

Have you ever had to talk yourself through breathing?  Legitimately tell yourself, "Take a breath in.... now blow it out... again..." as if you might stop breathing on the spot if you didn't remind yourself how to do it?  Have you ever felt the debilitating pain in your chest as you fought to force your …

Advertisement

Family Relations

Somewhere, deep down, I had thought that once I had the courage to serve John that everything would start getting better.  I would see the light at the end of the tunnel and I would feel as if I was working towards a better life.  And then I was introduced to the court system. What …

Ostrich

One thing I learned as I researched narcissists is that they rarely admit their flaws.  John was no different.  The reality of our impending divorce was very clear.  There was no question that this divorce was happening.  Living in the house was like walking around live grenades all day trying not to set one off. …

Is this Normal?

I was extremely unhappy in my marriage with John.  I threw myself into my work and my kids to try and find happiness there... and I did.... but something was still missing.  John's aggressive arguments only got more frequent and more intense.  I made it a point to barely say anything to him when the …

Choose Love

When I was pregnant with Quinn a tragic event occurred in my hometown.  It rocked our community to its core and even though I was not currently living there, it made an everlasting impact on me.  I remember checking Facebook on my phone very quickly before heading to lunch duty.  One of my friends had …

Carsick

Life with John had quickly trained me to be used to doing things by myself.  I rarely asked for help because when I did he would either purposefully act like he had no idea how to do simple things, or he would have an excuse why he couldn't help.  (For example when I asked him …

John’s Hernia

For James' third birthday I bought him a trampoline.  It wasn't a full size trampoline that you see in the backyard of your neighbors house, but it was large.  Our house had a sizable finished basement with plenty of room for the trampoline to fit.  I decided to buy it for James partly because I …

Mirror, Mirror

John's aggressive nature towards me had become my normal.  I imagine that almost all  relationships have moments where one of the partners comes off as aggressive or insensitive.  My relationship with John was made almost purely of these moments however.  At least once a day there would be a conversation that resulted in John chasing …

The Television

  John has always been a person who loves technology.  He is employed as a software engineer at a very reputable company.  At a young age he learned how to program computers and ended up making that hobby into a side job in which he earned additional income.  He had visions of fully automating the …

The Tubes

John was always very rigid when it came to any medical intervention.  He told me once that if he ever developed cancer he would cure it by just "changing his diet".  I used to have to beg him to allow me to give James Tylenol when he had a high fever.  He never really had …