Shadows

It's been a while since I had the time to sit down and write.  Part of me thinks that might be a good thing.  Life is getting a little bit better with every day that passes.  The pain and fear that years of emotional abuse have left behind is becoming more of a shadow behind …

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Choose Love

When I was pregnant with Quinn a tragic event occurred in my hometown.  It rocked our community to its core and even though I was not currently living there, it made an everlasting impact on me.  I remember checking Facebook on my phone very quickly before heading to lunch duty.  One of my friends had …

The Tubes

John was always very rigid when it came to any medical intervention.  He told me once that if he ever developed cancer he would cure it by just "changing his diet".  I used to have to beg him to allow me to give James Tylenol when he had a high fever.  He never really had …

The Party

Spending time with my children has always been a source of joy for me. There was never enough time during the week because we were always running around to different appointments after school and work. The weekends were precious, uninterrupted family time that I treasured. One weekend John asked me if I'd go with him …

The Second Love of My Live

The day my daughter was born I found myself falling in love for the second time in my life.  As soon as she entered the world and was placed on my chest, tears leaked out of my eyes and streamed down my cheeks.  I was still shaking uncontrollably from the physical task that had just …

Our New House

I've been trying to write my blog in the order that events occurred to not only fully help me process through things, but to also give my readers a clear understanding of my story and what led me to the decisions that I made.  With that being said, I am going to go out of …

Pregnant and on the Run

As my daughter grew inside of me I focused on the joy and anticipation of holding her in my arms as well as the love I had for my son.  I continued to walk on eggshells.... I continued to take care of the majority of the household chores and responsibilities... and I continued to learn …

La! La! La!

Looking back I realize that one of John's preferred places to have an argument was the car.  I have found myself wondering if he somehow enjoyed the idea that I was trapped in a small space with him and I couldn't get away.  I tried not to spark too many conversations when we were on …

The Spectrum of Loneliness

Life with John continued status quo for the next year or so.  Nothing really changed.  He would frequently get angry with me over things I didn't see coming and I would continue to try my hardest to keep things calm.  James was my ray of light in all of this so I turned all of …

When I Stopped Singing

Music was always an integral part of my life.  I grew up singing in school and church choirs.  I annoyed my family for decades singing along to the radio at full volume.  I had aspirations to be a musician and even attended college on a partial music scholarship.  Karaoke was one of my favorite group …