Explosions

Living together gave John many opportunities to do and say things to the kids that created a hostile environment.  Quinn was better equipped to handle John's mind games and manipulation, although it still impacted her negatively.  James on the other hand, was quite susceptible to it.  If I was not in the same room with …

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Using the Children as Weapons

As John's control over me began slipping away, he began to escalate.  Anger flowed off his body in waves.  I could feel it across the room.  I did my best to avoid any interactions ... to even avoid eye contact when possible.  I became very jumpy and very on edge.  I was always aware of …

Password Protected

The small semblance of sanity that John was able to feign over the years was cracking.  His need to control me and hurt me infected every minute of every day.  The courts had essentially sentenced us to house arrest and I felt as if he was my warden. His need to control me was magnified.  …

Mind Games and Manipulation

  John was a very smart man.  He knew that he had barely participated in parenting the children up until this point.  He also knew that would hurt his claim that he should get the children half of the time. I'm honestly not sure why he wanted to have the children half the time.  He …

Ostrich

One thing I learned as I researched narcissists is that they rarely admit their flaws.  John was no different.  The reality of our impending divorce was very clear.  There was no question that this divorce was happening.  Living in the house was like walking around live grenades all day trying not to set one off. …

Is it Abuse?

John became less and less cooperative as we progressed through the divorce and remained in the same house together.  He continued to twist everything I said and did to try and make me doubt myself. I'm not sure why I engaged in conversations with him about the divorce.  Perhaps I still thought that I might …

An Unstable Man

Things really stared heating up after John was served.  I started keeping a journal of everything that was happening at home in the hopes that a judge would someday look at it and see that it was dangerous for the children to have time alone with John. John became even more short and rough with …

And so it Begins…

After I met with my lawyer I let John know that he was going to be served.  I even went as far as to ask him where he would like to be served.  Again... I was protecting him... accommodating him.  It was all I knew. I wasn't sure how he was going to react.  I …

Finding a Lawyer

I'd love to say that the moment I made the decision to call a lawyer that my life immediately became a calmer, safer, happier one.  The truth is I was about to embark on the most painful, dangerous, difficult journey that I would ever take.  But sitting here, on the other side, I can now …

My College Family

It's amazing how a person can allow life's circumstances to isolate them and make them feel alone, even when they are surrounded by people who love them.  This is one thing I learned about myself in the process of gaining the strength to leave John.  The entire time that I cried myself to sleep.... that …