My eyes had been opened. John's comment, making a comparison of having our children to surviving hell, was the straw that broke the camel's back. I may not have been strong enough to admit that something was wrong when his darkness was directed at me.... but this was different.... this was about my children. This … Continue reading A Turning Point
I was extremely unhappy in my marriage with John. I threw myself into my work and my kids to try and find happiness there... and I did.... but something was still missing. John's aggressive arguments only got more frequent and more intense. I made it a point to barely say anything to him when the … Continue reading Is this Normal?
Life with John had quickly trained me to be used to doing things by myself. I rarely asked for help because when I did he would either purposefully act like he had no idea how to do simple things, or he would have an excuse why he couldn't help. (For example when I asked him … Continue reading Carsick
John's fuse seemed to get shorter and shorter with each passing day. I continued to try to make the best of things, but it started getting harder. I found myself coming into work flustered and frazzled as each morning would start with him screaming at me for something, or him doing something to the children … Continue reading Run!
John's aggressive nature towards me had become my normal. I imagine that almost all relationships have moments where one of the partners comes off as aggressive or insensitive. My relationship with John was made almost purely of these moments however. At least once a day there would be a conversation that resulted in John chasing … Continue reading Mirror, Mirror
John has always been a person who loves technology. He is employed as a software engineer at a very reputable company. At a young age he learned how to program computers and ended up making that hobby into a side job in which he earned additional income. He had visions of fully automating the … Continue reading The Television
John was always very rigid when it came to any medical intervention. He told me once that if he ever developed cancer he would cure it by just "changing his diet". I used to have to beg him to allow me to give James Tylenol when he had a high fever. He never really had … Continue reading The Tubes
As time passed and the children grew, my busy mom life continued on. I became more comfortable with James' diagnosis of high functioning autism and our lives became a daily adventure of eating dinner in the car while I drove the kids to one of James' many appointments. We were on the go so often … Continue reading Us vs Him
By the time James was a year old I had already come to terms with the fact that I was going to do all of the day to day jobs of a parent alone, but I still didn't view myself as parenting alone. I fed the children, gave them baths, took them to doctors... but … Continue reading Parenting Alone
The day my daughter was born I found myself falling in love for the second time in my life. As soon as she entered the world and was placed on my chest, tears leaked out of my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. I was still shaking uncontrollably from the physical task that had just … Continue reading The Second Love of My Live