The Second Time I Called the Police

I was convinced that once I was able to gain some space from John I would finally start to feel safe. In my fantasies of what it would be like without him lurking behind every corner I turned, I was finally able to breathe freely and deeply again without the constant fear I had felt …

Mandated Reporters

Because I am a teacher, I know the ins and outs of what happens at a school.  I also know the legal requirements and the rationale behind them.  One of those requirements is that anyone who works with children is considered a "mandated reporter" by DCF.  This means that if they suspect any type of …

The Parenting Plan

I love my children more than I could possibly put into words.  I love them more than the air that I breathe.  They are everything that is good in this world.  I would do anything to protect them.  I would die to protect them.  I always thought that would be enough.... but I was wrong.  …

The First Time I Called the Police

Yesterday, I heard an employee of a domestic violence agency speaking on the radio.  She was telling the story of my marriage.... summing John up perfectly.  It was as if she had lived my life.... or watched it unfold somehow.  One thing that she said that really resonated with me is that many people think …

The Black Eye

  There was always a constant worry as to what was happening with John and the kids when I was not around.  It seemed like every time I left a room one of the kids claimed that John had put his hands on them, and he would always deny it.  Of course, I'd seen him …

John’s Character

It's amazing how threatening a subtle comment can be when you have a history of abuse lurking behind it.  I imagine that if a stranger overheard the things John said to me that I knew were meant as a threat, they might think that it was innocent.... that I was overreacting... and that is what …

Password Protected

The small semblance of sanity that John was able to feign over the years was cracking.  His need to control me and hurt me infected every minute of every day.  The courts had essentially sentenced us to house arrest and I felt as if he was my warden. His need to control me was magnified.  …

Mind Games and Manipulation

  John was a very smart man.  He knew that he had barely participated in parenting the children up until this point.  He also knew that would hurt his claim that he should get the children half of the time. I'm honestly not sure why he wanted to have the children half the time.  He …

Family Relations

Somewhere, deep down, I had thought that once I had the courage to serve John that everything would start getting better.  I would see the light at the end of the tunnel and I would feel as if I was working towards a better life.  And then I was introduced to the court system. What …

Ostrich

One thing I learned as I researched narcissists is that they rarely admit their flaws.  John was no different.  The reality of our impending divorce was very clear.  There was no question that this divorce was happening.  Living in the house was like walking around live grenades all day trying not to set one off. …