Emotional Blackmail

Even though the children weren't aware that we were in the process of a divorce, they were beginning to react to the dynamic in the house.  John continued to say things to them when I wasn't around that confused them, upset them and alluded to the fact that there was something "bad" looming in the …

Court Appointed Parenting Class

As part of the divorce process in Connecticut you are required to attend a court appointed parenting class if there are children involved.  It is a day long event in which a room is filled with emotional people ... some who are heart broken.... some who are furious... all who do not want to be …

Mind Games and Manipulation

  John was a very smart man.  He knew that he had barely participated in parenting the children up until this point.  He also knew that would hurt his claim that he should get the children half of the time. I'm honestly not sure why he wanted to have the children half the time.  He …

Breathe

Have you ever had to talk yourself through breathing?  Legitimately tell yourself, "Take a breath in.... now blow it out... again..." as if you might stop breathing on the spot if you didn't remind yourself how to do it?  Have you ever felt the debilitating pain in your chest as you fought to force your …

Family Relations

Somewhere, deep down, I had thought that once I had the courage to serve John that everything would start getting better.  I would see the light at the end of the tunnel and I would feel as if I was working towards a better life.  And then I was introduced to the court system. What …

Ostrich

One thing I learned as I researched narcissists is that they rarely admit their flaws.  John was no different.  The reality of our impending divorce was very clear.  There was no question that this divorce was happening.  Living in the house was like walking around live grenades all day trying not to set one off. …

Is it Abuse?

John became less and less cooperative as we progressed through the divorce and remained in the same house together.  He continued to twist everything I said and did to try and make me doubt myself. I'm not sure why I engaged in conversations with him about the divorce.  Perhaps I still thought that I might …

An Unstable Man

Things really stared heating up after John was served.  I started keeping a journal of everything that was happening at home in the hopes that a judge would someday look at it and see that it was dangerous for the children to have time alone with John. John became even more short and rough with …

Finding a Lawyer

I'd love to say that the moment I made the decision to call a lawyer that my life immediately became a calmer, safer, happier one.  The truth is I was about to embark on the most painful, dangerous, difficult journey that I would ever take.  But sitting here, on the other side, I can now …

Nora

As I mentioned in my previous post, there are many people that helped me to realize that my relationship with John was a toxic one.  Nora was one of those people.  We had worked at the same school for a few years.  She was the teacher in the behavioral program in our school.  Somehow she …