The Second Time I Called the Police

I was convinced that once I was able to gain some space from John I would finally start to feel safe. In my fantasies of what it would be like without him lurking behind every corner I turned, I was finally able to breathe freely and deeply again without the constant fear I had felt …

Advertisement

The Parenting Plan

I love my children more than I could possibly put into words.  I love them more than the air that I breathe.  They are everything that is good in this world.  I would do anything to protect them.  I would die to protect them.  I always thought that would be enough.... but I was wrong.  …

Unexplained Bruises

Time went on.... the environment continued to be toxic.  John started hiding whiskey in the kitchen.  I'm not sure if he knew that I knew about it or not, but I watched each day as the bottle quickly emptied and was replaced by another.  This only strengthened my fear of sleeping in the same house …

The First Time I Called the Police

Yesterday, I heard an employee of a domestic violence agency speaking on the radio.  She was telling the story of my marriage.... summing John up perfectly.  It was as if she had lived my life.... or watched it unfold somehow.  One thing that she said that really resonated with me is that many people think …

The Black Eye

  There was always a constant worry as to what was happening with John and the kids when I was not around.  It seemed like every time I left a room one of the kids claimed that John had put his hands on them, and he would always deny it.  Of course, I'd seen him …

Telephone War

Having a child with autism who can become aggressive can be utterly exhausting.  James was always really well behaved for me.  He rarely showed any negative behaviors when we were together (with the exception of when John was present and instigating).  When James was not with me, however, he frequently became aggressive and even violent.  …

John’s Character

It's amazing how threatening a subtle comment can be when you have a history of abuse lurking behind it.  I imagine that if a stranger overheard the things John said to me that I knew were meant as a threat, they might think that it was innocent.... that I was overreacting... and that is what …

Explosions

Living together gave John many opportunities to do and say things to the kids that created a hostile environment.  Quinn was better equipped to handle John's mind games and manipulation, although it still impacted her negatively.  James on the other hand, was quite susceptible to it.  If I was not in the same room with …

Using the Children as Weapons

As John's control over me began slipping away, he began to escalate.  Anger flowed off his body in waves.  I could feel it across the room.  I did my best to avoid any interactions ... to even avoid eye contact when possible.  I became very jumpy and very on edge.  I was always aware of …

Password Protected

The small semblance of sanity that John was able to feign over the years was cracking.  His need to control me and hurt me infected every minute of every day.  The courts had essentially sentenced us to house arrest and I felt as if he was my warden. His need to control me was magnified.  …