Explosions

Living together gave John many opportunities to do and say things to the kids that created a hostile environment.  Quinn was better equipped to handle John's mind games and manipulation, although it still impacted her negatively.  James on the other hand, was quite susceptible to it.  If I was not in the same room with …

Using the Children as Weapons

As John's control over me began slipping away, he began to escalate.  Anger flowed off his body in waves.  I could feel it across the room.  I did my best to avoid any interactions ... to even avoid eye contact when possible.  I became very jumpy and very on edge.  I was always aware of …

Password Protected

The small semblance of sanity that John was able to feign over the years was cracking.  His need to control me and hurt me infected every minute of every day.  The courts had essentially sentenced us to house arrest and I felt as if he was my warden. His need to control me was magnified.  …

Emotional Blackmail

Even though the children weren't aware that we were in the process of a divorce, they were beginning to react to the dynamic in the house.  John continued to say things to them when I wasn't around that confused them, upset them and alluded to the fact that there was something "bad" looming in the …

Court Appointed Parenting Class

As part of the divorce process in Connecticut you are required to attend a court appointed parenting class if there are children involved.  It is a day long event in which a room is filled with emotional people ... some who are heart broken.... some who are furious... all who do not want to be …

Mind Games and Manipulation

  John was a very smart man.  He knew that he had barely participated in parenting the children up until this point.  He also knew that would hurt his claim that he should get the children half of the time. I'm honestly not sure why he wanted to have the children half the time.  He …

Breathe

Have you ever had to talk yourself through breathing?  Legitimately tell yourself, "Take a breath in.... now blow it out... again..." as if you might stop breathing on the spot if you didn't remind yourself how to do it?  Have you ever felt the debilitating pain in your chest as you fought to force your …

Family Relations

Somewhere, deep down, I had thought that once I had the courage to serve John that everything would start getting better.  I would see the light at the end of the tunnel and I would feel as if I was working towards a better life.  And then I was introduced to the court system. What …

Ostrich

One thing I learned as I researched narcissists is that they rarely admit their flaws.  John was no different.  The reality of our impending divorce was very clear.  There was no question that this divorce was happening.  Living in the house was like walking around live grenades all day trying not to set one off. …

Is it Abuse?

John became less and less cooperative as we progressed through the divorce and remained in the same house together.  He continued to twist everything I said and did to try and make me doubt myself. I'm not sure why I engaged in conversations with him about the divorce.  Perhaps I still thought that I might …