The Second Time I Called the Police

I was convinced that once I was able to gain some space from John I would finally start to feel safe. In my fantasies of what it would be like without him lurking behind every corner I turned, I was finally able to breathe freely and deeply again without the constant fear I had felt …

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Mandated Reporters

Because I am a teacher, I know the ins and outs of what happens at a school.  I also know the legal requirements and the rationale behind them.  One of those requirements is that anyone who works with children is considered a "mandated reporter" by DCF.  This means that if they suspect any type of …

You Are Loved

It's really easy to get lost amidst the stress and the drama of a divorce.  It's too easy to forget that you are loved.... to easy to feel lost and alone.  This is especially true when the person that you are divorcing is controlling and abusive.  I felt myself withering away.  There were times that... …

The Parenting Plan

I love my children more than I could possibly put into words.  I love them more than the air that I breathe.  They are everything that is good in this world.  I would do anything to protect them.  I would die to protect them.  I always thought that would be enough.... but I was wrong.  …

Breathe

Have you ever had to talk yourself through breathing?  Legitimately tell yourself, "Take a breath in.... now blow it out... again..." as if you might stop breathing on the spot if you didn't remind yourself how to do it?  Have you ever felt the debilitating pain in your chest as you fought to force your …

And so it Begins…

After I met with my lawyer I let John know that he was going to be served.  I even went as far as to ask him where he would like to be served.  Again... I was protecting him... accommodating him.  It was all I knew. I wasn't sure how he was going to react.  I …

My College Family

It's amazing how a person can allow life's circumstances to isolate them and make them feel alone, even when they are surrounded by people who love them.  This is one thing I learned about myself in the process of gaining the strength to leave John.  The entire time that I cried myself to sleep.... that …

Is this Normal?

I was extremely unhappy in my marriage with John.  I threw myself into my work and my kids to try and find happiness there... and I did.... but something was still missing.  John's aggressive arguments only got more frequent and more intense.  I made it a point to barely say anything to him when the …

Choose Love

When I was pregnant with Quinn a tragic event occurred in my hometown.  It rocked our community to its core and even though I was not currently living there, it made an everlasting impact on me.  I remember checking Facebook on my phone very quickly before heading to lunch duty.  One of my friends had …

Carsick

Life with John had quickly trained me to be used to doing things by myself.  I rarely asked for help because when I did he would either purposefully act like he had no idea how to do simple things, or he would have an excuse why he couldn't help.  (For example when I asked him …