Run!

John's fuse seemed to get shorter and shorter with each passing day.  I continued to try to make the best of things, but it started getting harder.  I found myself coming into work flustered and frazzled as each morning would start with him screaming at me for something, or him doing something to the children …

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Mirror, Mirror

John's aggressive nature towards me had become my normal.  I imagine that almost all  relationships have moments where one of the partners comes off as aggressive or insensitive.  My relationship with John was made almost purely of these moments however.  At least once a day there would be a conversation that resulted in John chasing …

The Television

  John has always been a person who loves technology.  He is employed as a software engineer at a very reputable company.  At a young age he learned how to program computers and ended up making that hobby into a side job in which he earned additional income.  He had visions of fully automating the …

Us vs Him

As time passed and the children grew, my busy mom life continued on.  I became more comfortable with James' diagnosis of high functioning autism and our lives became a daily adventure of eating dinner in the car while I drove the kids to one of James' many appointments.  We were on the go so often …

Pregnant and on the Run

As my daughter grew inside of me I focused on the joy and anticipation of holding her in my arms as well as the love I had for my son.  I continued to walk on eggshells.... I continued to take care of the majority of the household chores and responsibilities... and I continued to learn …

La! La! La!

Looking back I realize that one of John's preferred places to have an argument was the car.  I have found myself wondering if he somehow enjoyed the idea that I was trapped in a small space with him and I couldn't get away.  I tried not to spark too many conversations when we were on …

The Spectrum of Loneliness

Life with John continued status quo for the next year or so.  Nothing really changed.  He would frequently get angry with me over things I didn't see coming and I would continue to try my hardest to keep things calm.  James was my ray of light in all of this so I turned all of …

Misplaced Anger

Right before I met John, his mother and father divorced.  His mother is the one who filed.  She never shared with me what went wrong in that relationship, but the few things that John shared with me over the years led me to believe that her marriage had a lot of similarities to mine.  Control.... …

Eggshells

Over the years I started to learn some of the patterns that would set John off... but most of the time I wouldn't see it coming.  As a result I found myself walking on eggshells all the time.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I would question anything I said before saying it.  I …