I was convinced that once I was able to gain some space from John I would finally start to feel safe. In my fantasies of what it would be like without him lurking behind every corner I turned, I was finally able to breathe freely and deeply again without the constant fear I had felt … Continue reading The Second Time I Called the Police
Because I am a teacher, I know the ins and outs of what happens at a school. I also know the legal requirements and the rationale behind them. One of those requirements is that anyone who works with children is considered a "mandated reporter" by DCF. This means that if they suspect any type of … Continue reading Mandated Reporters
Time went on.... the environment continued to be toxic. John started hiding whiskey in the kitchen. I'm not sure if he knew that I knew about it or not, but I watched each day as the bottle quickly emptied and was replaced by another. This only strengthened my fear of sleeping in the same house … Continue reading Unexplained Bruises
The First Time I Called the Police
Yesterday, I heard an employee of a domestic violence agency speaking on the radio. She was telling the story of my marriage.... summing John up perfectly. It was as if she had lived my life.... or watched it unfold somehow. One thing that she said that really resonated with me is that many people think … Continue reading The First Time I Called the Police
The Black Eye
There was always a constant worry as to what was happening with John and the kids when I was not around. It seemed like every time I left a room one of the kids claimed that John had put his hands on them, and he would always deny it. Of course, I'd seen him … Continue reading The Black Eye
Having a child with autism who can become aggressive can be utterly exhausting. James was always really well behaved for me. He rarely showed any negative behaviors when we were together (with the exception of when John was present and instigating). When James was not with me, however, he frequently became aggressive and even violent. … Continue reading Telephone War
The small semblance of sanity that John was able to feign over the years was cracking. His need to control me and hurt me infected every minute of every day. The courts had essentially sentenced us to house arrest and I felt as if he was my warden. His need to control me was magnified. … Continue reading Password Protected
Is this Normal?
I was extremely unhappy in my marriage with John. I threw myself into my work and my kids to try and find happiness there... and I did.... but something was still missing. John's aggressive arguments only got more frequent and more intense. I made it a point to barely say anything to him when the … Continue reading Is this Normal?
When I was pregnant with Quinn a tragic event occurred in my hometown. It rocked our community to its core and even though I was not currently living there, it made an everlasting impact on me. I remember checking Facebook on my phone very quickly before heading to lunch duty. One of my friends had … Continue reading Choose Love
Life with John had quickly trained me to be used to doing things by myself. I rarely asked for help because when I did he would either purposefully act like he had no idea how to do simple things, or he would have an excuse why he couldn't help. (For example when I asked him … Continue reading Carsick