I’ve been trying to write my blog in the order that events occurred to not only fully help me process through things, but to also give my readers a clear understanding of my story and what led me to the decisions that I made. With that being said, I am going to go out of sequence today and talk about my day yesterday.
Yesterday was a very big day for me. I closed on a house. See, during the divorce my ex husband got the 2500 square foot house and is currently living in it by himself. The kids and I needed to find a place to go, so we moved in with my mother. We’ve been living out of boxes since we moved in with her, and while my mother has been amazingly supportive and kind, she’s being massively inconvenienced and the kids and I felt as if we didn’t have a place of our own. The majority of their toys are sitting in a storage unit and my mother is sleeping on a cot in the laundry room.
John did everything in his power to prolong the process of us getting a house. Maybe he was getting personal pleasure out of still having some control over my life and my happiness. Maybe he thought the fact that he had a house and I didn’t would make the kids want to be with him rather than me. I wouldn’t claim to know what thoughts run through John’s mind. All I know is if he had an opportunity to put an obstacle in my way, he did. He waited to refinance his house and I couldn’t get a mortgage while my name was still on it. Then he claimed he had no evidence of the refinance and “would get it to me once he received a statement”. (I don’t know any mortgage company that doesn’t give a statement every month.) He was as uncooperative as I could have expected him to be.
But yesterday, despite all of the road blocks he has put in my way, I closed on a house. I got to watch my children as they saw the house for the first time and ran from room to room squealing with joy. This is one more piece of my life that I have regained control of and it feels wonderful. I am slowly putting our lives back together and I am putting more and more space between John and me.
I want to get the message out there to the other men and woman reading this (I realize not only woman are subjected to abuse) who are in a similar relationship to the one I had with John…. you deserve better. There is a better life out there waiting for you. Getting out will be the biggest challenge you have faced in your lifetime… and there will be days in which you need to talk yourself through breathing (literally)…. but there is a better life on the other side. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are worth it.